"If we would only testify to the truth as we see it, it would turn out that there are hundreds, thousands, even millions of other people just as we are, who see the truth as we do...and are only waiting, again as we are, for someone to proclaim it. The Kingdom of God is within you."
- Leo Tolstoy
My Grandmother is waiting to stop breathing. She slipped into a coma yesterday. The pain is finally over, now it is a matter of time before she becomes a lingering memory. She will always be a part of me...because I am a part of her. And nobody will replace her as our family 'Don'!
Topmost on my mother's mind and that of her sister's, even as they're trying to come to terms with the impending loss, are the last rites and who will conduct them and how. They want what is best for her, want her soul to rest in peace. Isn't it sad that rudiculous rules control our thoughts to an extent that what is obvious becomes obscure? How do I argue with this kind of thinking at this time? Must I argue at all? Who made the rule that relatives, who care less for the person who is gone or going, have better connections in the afterworld just because they are male, to set the soul free? It is frustrating...but then...a lot of things are! I guess I'll toe the line, bury my brains...yet again and go with the flow because that is less uncomfortable - for everyone. The next few days will test my patience ( not my best virtue). I must remember to stock up on tranquilisers and try not burst a blood vessel.
How is a daughter inferior to a son? I want my daughter to carry out my last rites if my husband isn't able to for some reason. As a matter of fact, I want no last 'rites'...just a hygenic disposal of my body after all reusable parts have been taken out for transplantation and a small party with Pav Bhaji ( lots of Amul butter), some Kaala Khatta (not out of a labelled bottle) , some really good hot Samosas ( yeah I know..I have really really cheap taste in food :P ) and pasta - a la hubby. Actually, I wouldn't mind a full fledged Palakkad Iyer Kele-ka-patta treat either. And this party I'd like to have Pre-mortem if we are in the know beforehand.
Can this be treated as my official last wish?
2 comments:
A.I, I have faced this situation. And I did what may be construed as my father's last rites. Supported by many cousins, sister-in-laws, and even one elderly aunt. I have siblings, but not in the country. There was actually no alternative. Except, some otherwsie related males disapproved, and actually left. I mean here's a soul, actually finishing a journey of 90 years, and some guys still get caught up in ego stuff ?
There seems to be an heirarchy in the afterlife too....and that is also a man's world?
:(
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